starlight OUT
by VeeCat
Summary: Once upon a time, InuYasha wished upon a star for salvation from the darkness. It never seemed to come, and he was lost. So much of his effort was spent being lost, feeling guilty, and wondering where the wrong turn was taken...that his worries and attention were lacking elsewhere. When you wish upon a star, make sure the flame is still flickering and the light doesnt come to late.


Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, Rumiko Takahashi and any of there work. I do not have any rights to InuYasha the television show or manga.

Authors Note: I hope you enjoy this quick oneshot. Read and review please!

-VeeCat

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starlight OUT

By:VeeCat

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Things got so grim. Grim like the reaper.

It was black and white. It was _black and grey_.

I miss her. I miss my Kagome.

I miss the smell she carried, cherry blossoms.

She was and still is as stunning as one too.

We had just worked out all the wrinkles in time, all the dark times in our life.

It was perplexed.

But those dark times brought **the most glimmering light** you could ever imagine.

Isn't that fucked up? I loved the dark, because the light at the end of the tunnel gave such a relief. That relief one gets when a pain eases.

This isn't easing though.

What is a man to do?

I think I did this. One day she was here, and the next it was like _kirk out._

I can't find a God damn silver lining, except the lining in a fuckin' coffin.

I often feel like because of the life I have lived, or haven't, that I don't deserve to be loved.

It's like Fuck you InuYasha, heres a hurricane. This hurricane brought more than that Katrina bitch.

 _Poor poor Lousina feels my pain._

I can't even make friends with the voices in my head anymore, that's how much I hurt. Its this throbbing in my heart, aching pain in my head. I cant think.

I can't breath.

I forget to eat.

Whats that called? Depression, something you can't see. IS IT REAL?!

A large population of the world believes in a being that they can't see, so why is there stigma to these emotions?

 **Kagome.**

Where are you?

I miss you so.

I am wishing you where here.

My love.

What did I not see?

Was I not enough my dear?

Why didn't you talk me lovely?

You have left a hole in the world, with questions unanswered.

 **You are selfish.**

But **I still need.**

 **You my love**.

My brain is as scattered as a fucked up Rubik's cube. Its as scrambled as the story I tell.

I met this girl in the 7th grade. We were young, I was like a firefly to the light. I couldn't stay away.

Year one was great, we dated. We went to eat, dances, prom.

She went to my football games and I attended her cheerleading competitions. Religiously, like clockwork. Every hour of every day I thought of her.

Every minute; every second of that hour I smelled those cherry blossoms. I dreamt of that silky black hair.

Our life was like a grandfather clock, and with every chime our love grew stronger.

I did wrong though.

 **I broke** _the caterpillar_ **before she could fly**.

I am so sorry my love.

All to late;

I changed my ways;

It was to late though.

I am so sorry my love.

I am so sorry my love.

I am so sorry my love.

I can't say that enough, damn it!

I miss you.

I miss the light.

It is dark now though.

I miss the light.

I miss you.

I am so sorry my love.

Year three. There was a bump. She had values.

I valued nothing. It was the first time I talked down to her.

I am so sorry my love.

I slammed my hand down on that lunch table and cursed her.

Oh my word.

Oh.

My.

God.

Oh me.

Oh my.

I am a bad bad man.

Well, I didn't feel like a man when I pushed her around.

Pushing someone mentally is damn near worse than taking a fucking fist to the face.

Year five.

We were lovers. I took her.

Before God and all that is holy and sacred, we became married.

Other than family I had never really lived with anyone else. I really did not know much about her living habits nor did she mine. I tore her down again. Fucking damn me and my fucked up thoughts.

Year six. She became with child. I was so happy. I swore to change. I swore to go to the doctor.

 **Year S3VEN.**

She was still hurting. She was in pain. I was in pain, and I was...dangerous. I was afraid. I didn't know what was happening.

To hear that there is no heartbeat anymore. To lay them down to sleep, with their soul to take.

And it was taken. Blue. Stiff. No more.

We are all dying, from the moment of birth.

Some of us don't wake up.

Theres no reason either. Just blue. Just no more.

Stiff. I didn't even know they made coffins so small, with the predominant component of the structure being Styrofoam.

 ** _Year number eight_**. The darkest year of my life. I had done so much better, but **a person will always reap what they sow.**

Why _must another person pay for the others wrong doings?_

 **Because when karma veils the light, and shows you the darkness you brought.**

 **She shoots for the heart**. It counts, and you know you are being punished with a seemingly permanent rain cloud.

I had done so much better, I made strides. My light came to late for the love of my life. She was destroyed.

At this point, Kagome was a robot.

 **She went**

 **Through the motions**

 **Of life.**

 **But my love stopped living it.**

When our bundle of joy took her last breath. Kagome did to.

When she died, I was fucked up. My world was blitzed.

And **I have to live with that** while my legacy rests in peace.

I went to sleep.

I arose from my slumber, a drug induced one.

It smelled in my home, and the first thing I did. I got high. It was like cloud nine.

But cloud nine began to poor.

And **hell rained down on my puff of smoke** , hell rained on my parade.

I didn't even see it. Each and every day I did think to my self 'I need to fix this'.

'I need to fix this'.

Us, it needs repaired. I need to pop the hood on my life and unfuck it.

The thing about **thoughts** is they **don't become real.**..

 **until you take some action.**

 _Dear InuYasha,_

 _You are the love of my life, but this pain is so unbearable now._

 _Do not blame your self for my selfish actions._

 _You are amazing._

 _I hold nothing against you._

 _But the noises. The clammering in my head, and the pain upon my heart has become so great._

 _Forgive me._

 _First and foremost though, forgive you InuYasha._

 _You are a good man._

 _You help those that hurt you._

 _Without any expectations you put yourself on the line for what you believe in._

 _I miss our daughter babe._

 _I miss you._

 _I miss me, but I died along time ago babe._

 _Somewhere along the line I got lost, and I couldn't bring that down on you._

 _Love is not always enough, something was missing and there was a hole in my heart. I couldn't_

 _love anymore._

 _There was nothing left to give anyone. It died that morning, with her._

 _It died when I saw that pain in your eyes, and the monster resurfaced. I lost you._

 _And_

 _And I lost me._

My name is InuYasha, and once upon a time I wished upon a star.

That day the love of my life took her own life.

I, her husband of 8 years, **could not help her when she was drowning in sorrow**.

This was my ultimate failure.

 **This is not a Romeo and Juliet** , because I am a coward and can't die at my own hand.

Once upon a time I wished upon a star.

She took her own life.

& **_I might as well have been the one to pull the trigger._**

 **Once upon a time I wished upon a star for salvation.**

To be free of this monster that is life.

That star, it was so bright.

Once upon a time, **I wished upon a star**.

She glimmered.

She was great.

She was mine.

Till death do us part.

In sickness and in health.

I failed that promise to God.

 _ **Once upon a time I wished upon a star.**_

This star had a name, she was glimmering and splendid.

I wished upon that star, Kagome.

Until _that starlight burntout._

 **Once upon a time InuYasha wished upon a star.**

 _Starlight out._

 _My_ **starlight was out.**

 **I love you.**

 **Starlight out.**

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A/N: Let me know what you think, I havent written in a couple months! Thanks all!


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